Wannabe Hacker Nicholas-c-kaufman Arrested October 3, 2023
USA, (WASARRESTED) -- An individual who attempted to hack into hundreds and maybe thousands of pornograpic websites under the nick name "l33t hax0r" has been arrested on federal criminal charges of attempted unauthorized access to private networks.
Nicholas-c-kaufman is also accused of credit card fraud in which thousands of dollars were used to buy dildos, liquid latex and inflatable sheep.
"Nicholas-c-kaufman isn't a hacker. Nicholas-c-kaufman is what you would call a 'script kiddie' or someone who downloads and runs scripts written by real hackers. Unfortunatley for him the consequences are the same", said officer Cranium.
He went on to say, "If co-workers had not reported their credit cards stolen we never would have cared about this person." The officer also noted that the credit cards were lifted from the individuals wallets and NOT "hacked" as Nicholas-c-kaufman claims.
Nicholas-c-kaufman faces a maximum of 4 years in prison and $125,000 in fines if convicted on the federal charges, although sentencing guidelines typically result in much lighter penalties.
Nicholas-c-kaufman Was quoted as saying, "I am a l33t hax0r! fear me!" over and over again.
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